Tag: personal (page 5 of 14)

Why Take This Matters

Courtesy Take This

It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.

Some of the earliest, most indelible memories some of my generation has when it comes to video games involve taking a sword from an old man who just spoke those fateful words. “It’s dangerous to go alone.” The world is going to try and kill you. Monsters prowl in the shadows, ready to destroy your body and devour your dreams. Perils you won’t see coming are fully prepared to swallow you whole. You need to defend yourself. You must be prepared to combat your challenges and overcome your obstacles. “Take this.”

We didn’t know it at the time, but this wasn’t just advice that applied to the world of Hyrule. It applies to our world, too.

We may not have to deal with the extant threats in many video games, but the world is still going to try and kill you, spiritually if not physically. I’m not talking about religion specifically, but rather in terms of the human spirit. The singular and the extraordinary are far, far too often pushed and held down by society at large, and it’s easy to fall into a pattern of conformity and ‘normal’ behavior, just to get by. But not everyone can pull off acting ‘normal’. For some, it’s a daily challenge, and some days, it’s an hourly one.

I’ve both faced this struggle myself, and done my utmost to help others cope with it. It’s easy to think, in our darkest hours, that we’re facing these challenges alone. And it’s dangerous to go alone.

The fact is, however, that we are not.

Take This is, according to their site, “a charitable organization founded to increase awareness, education and empathy for those suffering from emotional issues, their families and greater institutions with the goal to eradicate the stigma of mental illness.” While not exclusively dealing with the gaming community, the founders work within that community, as journalists and organizers, and so focus a great deal of their outreach to gamers, through sharing stories via their website and holding panels at events like PAX.

I’m a little lucky, when you get right down to it. I share my stories all the time. I have some skill at articulating myself and the means to do it. I let myself take the time to breathe, to contemplate, and to share. Not everybody is so lucky. Not everybody feels they have a safe place to unburden themselves of the pain and anxiety and uncertainty and loneliness they feel.

And the fact is, everybody should have that.

That’s why Take This matters. They’re just getting started, and I want to see them grow. Their first PAX Prime panel last year was a great success, as was their first ever at PAX East 2014, and they’re returning to Boston next month (PAX East 2014, Arachnid Theater, Friday 12:30 PM, BE THERE). Their site is full of stories that have needed to be heard, they’re going to be looking to grow as much as possible, and they can’t do it alone. None of us should be alone in this fight. Our chances of survival are much greater if we face our challenges together.

The world is a dangerous and cold place. Emotions and mental imbalance can topple even the best of ideas when the world gets involved. It’s dangerous to go alone.

But you don’t have to be alone.

Take this.

500 Words On Productivity

Courtesy Sona Charaipotra - http://www.sonacharaipotra.com/

To be honest, I kind of hate the word ‘productivity’. I hate the connotation that human beings need to produce to be valuable. Tireless housewives & househusbands produce nothing other than hot meals, clean laundry, and support for their hard-working spouses. Why should they be valued as lesser than someone who spends 18 hours of the day in an office?

That said, there’s a part of me that continues to romanticize the idea of freelancing as a career. Leaving the flat only when I want to, or I need more half-and-half or Johnny Walker Black. And maybe not even that, if I can move to a state that doesn’t have such strict laws regarding alcohol. Anyway, that in and of itself is going to involve some legwork, some networking, some time carved out around my current schedule to try and line up more work from various places to keep myself fed and housed.

I really can’t complain too much about my position at current, at least in terms of my specific dayjob as related to a certain skill set I possess. Everything I wrote about this morning is general, head-space stuff that would apply to any corporate gig. Nothing specific is wrong with my current situation in and of itself. I’m being deliberately vague. I hate doing that. But it’s a necessity of things like NDAs and not wanting to put my problems on other people when I can avoid it. Meh.

~

It’s been a long day. I only just now got in from the office and running by the store. Not literally running, of course. I don’t live that close to the office. Be kind of funny if I did, though. How would the days I suit up work, though? Would I have to strap a garment bag to my back? Roll up in my gym shorts and running shoes, then duck into the men’s or the VP’s office to change clothes? Not everybody likes me after a run. I tend to feel good, but apparently the sweat I generate is just too much for some.

Anyway, I’m home now, and I still have more ‘productivity’ ahead of me. Revisions to Cold Streets, freelance seeking, maybe even a first stab at some things for a new novel. Something, anything, to get me out of the creative ditch I’ve been in for roughly half a year. Maybe more. I really don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve seriously given up entire mornings or afternoons or evenings to what I really want to be doing with my life.

But I have to start somewhere. Or, more accurately, start over somewhere. I’m told it’s never too late to start over. I really hope that’s true.

Incidentally, the Friday 500 seems to be more stream-of-consciousness than anything, and I think that helps me. It almost feels Thompson-esque to write this way.

Don’t worry. If I start seeing phantom iguanas, or rambling about bat country, someone’s bound to call the cops. Or an agent.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I know I said that reviews would be happening on Fridays, and I’m bound to have something worth reviewing next week. This week, though, has been difficult.

I still don’t believe this is the space for me to delve too deeply into my personal headspace difficulties. That’s what Tumblr’s for, and I posted over there if you care to read. It involves words and conditions that may trigger some people, just so you know.

Either way, I’ll see you folks next week!

New Year’s Changes

Courtesy allthingshealing.com

You may have noticed that I haven’t posted lists of resolutions or any of the other traditional things that ring in the new year. You may have also noticed that I’m having a bit of a struggle maintaining the old schedule I used to have of what gets posted when. There are reasons for both of these occurrences.

I don’t do resolutions. Any time I’ve tried to make a concrete resolution, I’ve fallen short of the goal. As it is, I’m struggling to regain healthy habits I’d tried to establish last year. I will need to realign over the next few days even if it means going to bed earlier in the evening which will require me precluding myself from fun activities and time with friends. I do have long-term goals for the year ahead, but they’re not resolutions. They’re goals. It might be semantically splitting hairs, but I feel there’s a distinct difference between the two. Either way, the goals I have in mind will change my life, hopefully for the better in the long run.

As for the blog, it’s going through some changes as well. I’m going to shift the reviews to Friday of every week, and do my Writer Report on Wednesday. This is another move aimed at long-term goals. I have some ideas for the year ahead and while I don’t know if they’ll go anywhere, it’s still worthwhile to shake things up now and again. I’m also thinking of revising the blog with a new theme. Change is good, and the blog has remained somewhat unchanged for a long time.

So stay tuned! There are good things ahead. At least, I’d like to think so.

Continuing Education

Bard by BlueInkAlchemist, on Flickr

A rather large book arrived from Amazon yesterday. It’s a prep book for the Graduate Record Examination, or GRE. I rented it with the intent of taking the daunting test, and returning to graduate school. The question is, once I have a Masters of Fine Arts in, for example, Creative Writing, what will I do with it?

I don’t necessarily need the degree to be more successful as a writer. For that, I just need to write more. Promote more. Be more productive after long days of productivity. Continue to essentially work two jobs. So on, and so forth.

The more I research MFA programs, the more it dawns on me that it isn’t just my education that concerns me. I think others could use some help when it comes to writing. It’s always been a goal of mine to inspire others to want better stories, to be the ones to write those stories, and to make a difference in the world. I think part of my frustration with my current circumstances is that it’s difficult to see the difference I’m making when the work I do with the lion’s share of my time could be done far more easily by someone ten years younger who’s half as jaded and nowhere near as exhausted.

I wish I was the kind of person who could just accept things as they are and roll with it until outside circumstances improve. There’s a part of me that’s jealous of people who have that capacity. My life would be a lot easier if I could just internalize and accept my situation. Yet here I am, nursing both headache and heartache, making what amounts to an escape plan and trying to plot a better future for myself rather than being content with and making the most of a less than ideal situation.

I’ve gone forward blindly before, without any semblance of a plan or strategy, into the future, and so far it hasn’t yielded anything resembling ideal results. I really need to change that, for myself, and that means some pretty radical changes. Taking the GRE, going back to grad school, convincing myself that it isn’t too late to get myself in a position to make others better readers, better writers, better consumers of media… that all sounds pretty radical, to me.

I’m still learning. More to the point, I’m still learning things about myself. As volatile and changeable and mercurial as my thoughts and emotions can be at times, I’m trying to learn that my instincts are worth trusting. I’m learning that it’s okay to be up-front about my feelings and questioning of my circumstances. And I’ve learned that it’s never too late to take steps to do what is best for me, not necessarily what I’m expected to do or what I think someone else would do no matter how much I aspire to be like that someone else.

In the end, isn’t that what being an individual is all about?

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