Jealousy is an ugly emotion. And yet, I experience it more often than I’d care to admit.
Looking back on not just 2013 but many years before, I’m recognizing patterns in my behavior and my habits. I know it may be a bit late in the game to be doing that, and a lot of time has been wasted because I haven’t really taken note of such things before. However, I think what’s important for me is to acknowledge these things and why they’ve contributed to my moments of self-sabotage. And a lot of that has to do with jealousy.
I’m not an artist. I don’t have the skills of the webcomic creators I follow so avidly. I’ve tried my hand at presenting my critical views in both audio and video forms, mostly because I find the talents and presence of several Internet critics rather admirable. I’m a decent hand with several games, from Magic the Gathering to Starcraft 2 to Hearthstone, but I have yet to demonstrate any true potential for a professional win record.
I don’t think I’m going to stop any of those things. I may sketch and doodle, I’m still going to review entertainment I expose myself to (especially if it sucks), and I’ll continue playing games. But these things need to come after paying attention to things I know I’m good at. And one thing in particular: being a writer of long-form fiction.
The beginning of this year seems to be one of realignment. I’m plotting out my travels for the year, and the eventual move. I’m doing my best to plan things in advance, which isn’t easy for me. In the past I’ve tended to be more of a seat-of-the-pants type. Looking back as I am, though, it’s pretty obvious that hasn’t really worked for me.
Let’s try something new this year, shall we?