Month: April 2011 (page 1 of 4)

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Judge Dredd

Logo courtesy Netflix. No logos were harmed in the creation of this banner.

(apologies to Mr. Poledouris whose name I horribly mispronounce.)
[audio:http://www.blueinkalchemy.com/uploads/judge_dredd.mp3]

There’s a part of me that’s glad I didn’t get into writing for comic books. More than likely, I’d have had to cut my teeth on an established title, continuing a storyline that’s been running for months if not years. And if I wanted to spread my wings a little, get a bit creative with character beats or backstory exploration? Whoo, boy. That would invite the ire and derision of a group I know well enough to fear for I once counted myself among them: the comic book fanboy. It’s the penchant for exaggeration, lionization of established canon and somewhat skewed expectations that caused such a group to call Judge Dredd nothing less than a cinematic aberration conjured from the depths of their sweatiest nightmares. It isn’t that bad. Then again, it isn’t all that great, either.

Courtesy Hollywood Pictures

In the wake of nuclear near-annihilation, the survivors of humanity with anything resembling wealth or influence huddled together in titanic Mega-Cities, leaving the have-nots in a barren wasteland called the Cursed Earth. Humanity stifles and chafes in close quarters, so law and order collapsed as people fought for every scrap they could get their hands on. This lead to the rise of the Judges, imposing and implacable members of an elite order who served as both police, officers of the court and executioners of the lawless. The most famous, most feared and most implacable of them is Judge Dredd. He doesn’t just serve the Law – he IS the Law.

So much for the premise, taken from the pages of the 2000 AD comics in which Dredd was the biggest star. A British mag with a dark sense of humor and a penchant for violence, 2000 AD wasn’t interested in making their characters shining beacons of heroism or even nice guys. Judge Dredd hunted the bad guys, and when he found them he tended to make the Punisher look like a reasonable, well-balanced fellow. He didn’t smile, or take off his helmet, or give the bad guys much of a chance to try and beg for mercy. As you can imagine, he was pretty popular, which is why they tried to make a movie about him.

Courtesy Hollywood Pictures
“Admit it, you just wanted to do something like Demolition Man again.”

Of course, this was before writers and directors really started to get comic book movies right, so the film adaptation of Judge Dredd plays more like a video game than it does a gritty, post-apocalyptic exploration of a rather extreme version of law enforcement. The humor isn’t dark or ironic but mostly superficial and one-note. In fact, “superficial” is a great adjective for this flick. On the surface, the names, costumes, weaponry and locations are those from the comics, but the attempt to include as much cool stuff from the funny pages as possible results in what would charitably be considered a tangled, nearly incoherent and badly paced mess. It’s pretty clear that we’re not working with high concept art here, nor are we being terribly loyal to the source material. By now I’m sure at least one Dredd fan is wishing I hadn’t brought up the memory of this movie in the first place and is about to knock on my door in their replica Judge costume to tell me how I violated the Law.

While the writing is a hot mess and the direction’s pretty turgid, the movie isn’t without merit. Sly Stallone in the title role gives Dredd a practiced stoic distance that erodes as circumstances remove him from the daily routine of shooting block war perpetrators in the face. Max von Sydow and Jurgen Prochnow take the opportunity to have a little fun with their Chief Justice characters, which I suspect is something you have to do when you need to slog through something like this. Armand Assante, however, takes the prize as the actor who took the most bites of the scenery. His portrayal of the ‘perfect criminal’ Rico is delivered with such malicious mayhem and over-the-top physicality that you almost forget how badly this plot rolls over the premise. It pushes Judge Dredd very close to the line of “so bad its good.”

Courtesy Hollywood Pictures
“You mean I can’t just act like a schmuck the entire time? But… that’s hard…”

A rousing score from Basil Poledouris makes this movie sound a lot more grandiose than it really is. Diane Lane gives us a relatively strong female lead who feels like a visitor from a better film, while the ‘Angel family’ in the Cursed Earth takes the flick into the realm of the weird for a moment and are quickly forgotten. I would be remiss, however, if I did not give Judge Dredd what I feel is the greatest compliment I have for it. This film, for all its flaws and blatant disregard for source material loyalty, characterization, plausibility and good taste, is the one time I have not completely loathed Rob Schneider.

And any film that can do that, I feel, is worth at least a cursory glance on your Netflix queue. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a good movie. However, unless you’re one of the aforementioned Judge Dredd fans about to burn my house down, I’d say it may just entertain, even if you just laugh your ass off at how much these veterans of the silver screen ham it up. It may not be the best comic-book action-adventure ever made, but as long as X-Men: Origins: Wolverine is out there, you could do a hell of a lot worse than Judge Dredd.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

The Nostalgia Factor

Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures

Yesterday on The Big Picture, MovieBob brought up the recent incarnation of Transformers on the big screen. He wondered why the bulk of both films seemed much less concerned with the mythology, characterization and interaction of the titular characters than it did with Shia LeBeouf allowing millions of frustrated teenagers to vicariously court Megan Fox. It’s relatively common knowledge that the Transformers grew out of a toy line from the 80s, and the animated series primarily aimed at moving more of those toys spawned a movie of its own. It was certainly no great gift to cinema or even to genre fiction, but at least it let the Transformers be the actual stars in a Transformers movie, instead of shoving them aside for gratuitous shots of US military hardware, misfiring bodily humor and Ms. Fox or some other walking wank material providing shallow titillation.

Let me reiterate that. The original Transformers movie was slightly better than the modern movies, but it still wasn’t all that great.

I mean, sure, I can watch it and smile but that’s mostly due to the memories. I can remember being a child, clutching a plastic toy, eyes full of the characters I retreated to daily coming to life. I spent even more time in my head back then than I do now, and seeing things I’d only imagined manifesting in front of me with full stereophonic sound and professional voice acting blew my adolescent mind right out of the water. Nowadays I’ll pick apart the plot, shake my head at the silliness and laugh at the effects, the acting or both. But there’s still a part of me that wants very badly to love the movie. It’s the part of me that’s never grown up. The Randal Graves part.

Just because something was first experienced when we were young does not necessarily mean it’s better. We just remember it fondly as a bright spot in a more innocent time. We didn’t have responsibility, the weight of obligation or the guilt of past transgressions getting in the way of our joy. We didn’t have to suspend our disbelief because, for the most part, we didn’t have much disbelief yet. I’m sure there are some kids who are growing up skeptical, questioning and very smart. This is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. Some of us just didn’t come into our critical thinking skills until later. And we look back on the times before those skills developed, on what we enjoyed, and don’t necessarily apply our critical minds right away. In a way, we don’t necessarily want to.

Case in point: Tron.

The original Tron as one of the many, many films that debuted in 1982, the year for genre films. I was introduced to many of the titles of that year at a very young age. When I first saw Tron, nothing like it had been seen before. The special effects employed laid the groundwork for the plethora of CGI methods to come, and many digital artists in cinema and video games today owe much of their craft to some of the techniques pioneered by works like Tron. The concept of a world inside a computer, populated with programs capable of interacting like people and battling it out in disc duels and lightcycle wars was overwhelming to my young mind. That idea stuck with me and colored my recollection of the film even as I re-watched it a few times. Things have changed for me. I can tell you that the original Tron suffers from badly aging effects, some questionable acting and characters that are nearly non-existent. You can name them and know them by sight, but you don’t get a really good sense of who they are.

Now, compare it to Tron: Legacy.

The concept of a living world inside a computer remains intact and gets a lot of fleshing out, but more importantly, we have characters who are not only given depth but also come across as somewhat realistic. The leads have good chemistry reinforced by solid writing, the effects look gorgeous and the score is absolutely phenomenal. The execution still isn’t airtight and it feels at times like the film is more concerned with either invoking old-school fans’ nostalgia or trying to lay the groundwork for sequels than remaining in the story in front of us. While this is also a problem in a movie like Transformers or G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra, Legacy pulls it off a hell of a lot better than either of those two. I wasn’t wondering when they’d get to ‘the good stuff’ or why we should care about the lead protagonist.

It’s not great, but it’s very good. It’s no Inception but it’s far, far better than many other attempts to revitalize older concepts and play upon the nostalgia factor of nerds like myself. It shows that the techniques of modern storytelling, from cutting-edge digital tools to the experienced hand of a writer concerned with character and pacing instead of merely concept, are superior to those used years ago. In other words, if you want to create a story with its roots in something that’s come before, you must remember that the nostalgia factor should only be an incidental concern, not an overriding or guiding principle.

Or as Yahtzee put it once, “Nostalgia’s a mouthful of balls.”

The Art of Thor: Introduction

Courtesy Blizzard Entertainment

The general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple ere the battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand.

I want to be a better player of StarCraft 2.

The first step in achieving a goal is having that goal in mind, stated as simply as possible. I’ve managed to get where I am today by keeping such goals simple and doing my best not to lose sight of them. I want to be a bestselling (or at least decently selling) novelist. I want to hold down a decent job in a good town. I want to not eat frozen pizza, ramen and PB & J every day.

Such goals are oriented towards changes in career, income and lifestyle. We also set goals for ourselves in our leisure, or at least we can. Sitting through the entire March Madness tournament is a worthy goal for some, while for others it’s beating the pants off of a beloved family member in chess or checkers or Magic or hold-’em poker. For me, delving more deeply into the underlying mechanics and strategies of StarCraft 2 has given me the motivation and desire to become a better player.

First and foremost it’s because I really enjoy the game. Even when I lose, I can see how an opponent stopped my offensive dead and came out of nowehere to gut my economy. Sure, it’s frustrating to lose. But as my goal is to become a better player, not necessarily to win, I use that frustration to teach myself. It’s a subtle difference. Instead of walking away and doing something less irritating, I make myself watch the replay, look for flaws in my play, see what the opponent’s up to and what they’re thinking.

Enemy psychology comes into it more than you might think. Not just their strategies and methods of play, but our means of anticipating, reacting to and, eventually, manipulating them. It may only be computer simulation of science-fiction armies blasting the snot out of each other on distant planets, but it’s still warfare. And Sun-Tzu has a few things to say on that subject.

I played the original StarCraft and its expansion, and while I liked the mentality and characters of the Terrans, there was something missing from their army list I couldn’t put my finger on at the time. I opted to play Protoss more often than not for the short time I was involved with multiplayer. But I never really committed myself to being a better player – I simply had other things on my mind at the time. StarCraft 2‘s Terrans have quite a few new tricks up their sleeves, from the hulking Marauders to the transforming Vikings to the mighty Thor. It’s such a signature Terran unit – covered in angular armored plate, tough, versatile and most of all, really big and really loud.

So as I progress and continue to improve my StarCraft 2, I’ll reflect on how the observation of both success and failure will contribute to both my enjoyment and the evolution of my playstyle. Due to a lucky break in my placement matches, I’m a Silver League player, better than Bronze but not as good as Gold. I want to get to the Gold level at least, and ideally move on to higher levels. I’ll apply Sun-Tzu’s teachings where I can and I’ll be sticking with the Terrans. I do like the other races, but this time around the appeal of the cowboys in space is undeniable and while every strategy may not involve a Thor, I have one or two in mind that I hope to refine as time goes on.

Hence… The Art of Thor.

Not to be confused with the upcoming movie from Marvel Studios.

I may post video supplements to go with the lessons I learn, and I’m going to be reading a lot of the Team Liquid wiki & forums as well as watching TotalBiscuit and Day9‘s videos on the subject. I highly recommend anybody interested in being a better player do the same, as well as watching this space. Even if I only do it in screenshots, I’ll be showing the impending and quite possibly painful process of learning not to suck at StarCraft 2.

A Beginner’s Guide to Westros: Gods Old and New

Heart Tree

The Game of Thrones is now showing on HBO. The production and promotion of this series has been fantastic, but not everyone tuning in may be familiar with the series of books upon which it is based. A Song of Ice and Fire, currently spanning four expansive novels, introduced us to the world of Westros and provides a plethora of extensive information. Presented here is a bit of that information to help newcomers to this lush and living world get and keep their bearings. All information is presented free of spoilers and describe the circumstances at the beginning of the series…

The Seven Kingdoms of the Andals have endured for thousands of years. Their peoples have often turned to forces of creation and destruction for guidance and inspiration. Faiths old and new mix throughout the Seven Kingdoms and the gods of foreign lands also linger on the fringes of the world, not as well-known but just as powerful. What follows is a brief look at the principle faiths of the Kingdoms and one or two gods of note whose power resides across the Narrow Sea.

The Old Gods

When the First Men came to the Westeros, they tried to drive out the spirits of the forest worshiped by the natives. They failed, and as part of the peace they sought with the children of the forest, they pledged to cut down no more weirwoods, large trees bearing the faces of those same spirits. When the Andals came, they called these spirits the Old Gods. As kings came and went and long after Aegon the Conqueror brought the Seven Kingdoms to heel under his rule, the godswoods remained, an indelible reminder of the roots of many noble Houses. Faith in the Seven has replaced the respect and worship given to the Old Gods, but in the North, the House of Stark, many of its sworn bannermen and the men of the Night’s Watch hold their prayers and swear their oaths in the godswood among the roots of the heart tree.

The Seven

Quickly becoming the largest faith in the Seven Kingdoms, the Seven are worshiped in buildings called septs, ranging in size from small houses to lavish structures rivaling the halls of great keeps like Casterly Rock and the Red Keep of King’s Landing. Septons guide the faithful’s prayers and take their donations. Each sept includes a representation of each god making up the Seven: the Maiden, the Father, the Mother, the Warrior, the Smith, the Crone and the Stranger. The septons tend to act as advisers to lords and knights in the manner of maesters, and while militant branches of the faith have existed in the past, the edicts of previous kings have kept these branches confined to the pages of history and the stories told by the faithful who feel powerless before the changes that sweep through the Kingdoms.

The Drowned God

Worshiped exclusively on the Iron Islands, the Drowned God is said to lurk in the darkest depths of the sea. While not as well-known as the Seven, the Drowned God has no less influence given the part it plays in the ways and means of House Greyjoy. It is said that only one whose faith in the Drowned God is unquestionable may sit the Seastone Chair that is occupied by the leader of the Iron Men. While the pirates and reavers of the Isles would not admit it, the Drowned God and its drowned faithful are something of a frightening presence. Fearless and wild, they go into the sea normal men and come out quite different. They drink seawater, eschew ostentatious trappings and murmur the words of their faith: What is dead can never die but rises again, harder and stronger.

Lord of Fire

From across the Narrow Sea come the red priests and priestesses of R’hllor. They call him Lord of Light, the Heart of Fire, and the God of Flame and Shadow. His is a faith that has not taken much hold in Westeros, but with darkness seeping into the world with the coming of winter, his time may soon be approaching.

If you would like to know more, please consult the official HBO viewer’s guide or the Wiki of Ice and Fire (beware of spoilers). Also, if you find anything amiss or incorrect in these guides, please inform me.

IT CAME FROM NETFLIX! Blazing Saddles

Logo courtesy Netflix. No logos were harmed in the creation of this banner.

{Audio returns next week.}

Hatred is, unfortunately, nothing new. There are people even today who have built their lives, fortunes and reputations around rhetoric that perpetuates ignorance and blind intolerance. From the Spanish Inquisition to the Nazis, the Crusades to Mao’s Great Leap Forward, sooner or later somebody somewhere is going to react in a violent and ugly fashion to somebody who’s different. It falls to those of us with tolerance, love for our fellow man and enough wherewithal to keep the things that actually matter in mind to combat this fear and hatred any way we can – even if it’s just by taking the piss out of those cretins. Hence, Blazing Saddles.

Courtesy Warner Bros

The year is 1874. The location, an unnamed territory of the American West. The attorney general of the territory, Hedley Lamarr (no relation to the similarly named actress of the 70s), wants to cultivate the land with railways to earn himself even more wealth than he already has. Standing in the way of his railroad is the quaint frontier town of Rock Ridge. When their old sheriff is murdered in an attack by Lamarr’s goons, they wire the governor for a new one. In his effort to drive out the people, Lamarr conscripts a man named Bart. Bart, incidentally, is black.

At its best, comedy is a way of holding a mirror up to the more absurd aspects of modern life, calling attention to stupid things we take for granted or as the status quo through way of parody or satire. For a long time, the western was seen as perhaps the manliest of the movie genres, with rough and tumble two-fisted fighting men gunning their way to victory. Nearly every single one was white. Moreover, this was a time when minorities were just beginning to come into their civil rights, yet still had to deal with a great deal of hatred, pre-conceived notions and harsh epithets. Enter legendary comedic film-maker, biting satirist and prominent Jewish-American Mel Brooks. It takes perhaps a particular kind of genius or insanity to look at the litany of Western cinema up until this point, and say “You know what? Why don’t we have a black guy in the lead role?” You can guess how some people reacted.

Courtesy Warner Bros

This is a point covered in the movie, and in fact directly addressed in an exchange between Bart, played quite well by Cleavon Little, and the always memorable Gene Wilder as Jim the Waco Kid. I won’t spoil the line, as it’s one of many great ones in the flick, but suffice it to say Jim hits the nail directly on its racist head. The very notion of the black leading man with a white sidekick can be amusing enough to consider on its own, but with these two actors the combination’s dynamite. They have great chemistry which only makes the punchlines funnier.

Considering the amount of comedic firepower Brooks had at his disposal it’s no wonder Blazing Saddles is thought of by many as his best work. Harvey Korman adds the perfect mix of presence and insanity to Hedley Lamarr, the townsfolk of Rock Ridge are great and Madeline Kahn nearly stops the show as Bavarian bombshell Lily von Shtupp. Not because she’s devastatingly sexy, though she is in her prime here – it’s because she is, like so many other things in the movie, pointing out something just a tad absurd. Like stopping in the middle of a rustic narrative to have a good-looking woman do a song and dance routine. It’s out of place in most serious films; but here, with Lily sounding more like a dying badger than a breathless lady of the evening, it’s just funny. It takes talent to sing; it takes real talent to deliberately sing this badly.

Courtesy Warner Bros

If Blazing Saddles has a flaw it doesn’t manifest itself until halfway through the third act. A sprawling, rolling fistfight for the fate of Rock Ridge spills out of the town – and into a neighboring movie studio. What follows is one of the most complete evaporations of the fourth wall I think I’ve ever seen. Chaos is unleashed upon Warner Brothers studios even going as far as the famous Grauman’s Chinese theatre in Hollywood. It’s known that Brooks was sat down by studio executives before the film was released and given a list of changes they wanted him to make, toning down the racist language and otherwise de-fanging all of the humor. Brooks, who had final say in the cut of the film, diligently took notes at this meeting, and when it was concluded, threw his notes in the garbage. This sudden shift at the end of Blazing Saddles could be Brooks taking a shot at the excesses, expectations and general idiocy he saw in the studio system. Or he could just have trouble ending his movies.

Either way, Blazing Saddles is hysterical from beginning to end. A tightly-written script assisted by Richard Pryor (excepting perhaps that last bit) is packed with humor ranging from the aforementioned epithets to what some consider the very first cinematic fart joke. This stands with his History of the World Part 1 and Young Frankenstein as some of the funniest parodies ever made. So powerful was the imagery, humor and outright Western silliness of Blazing Saddles that it was many, many years before another serious Western was made in Hollywood. For all these reasons and more, it’s a movie that belongs on your Netflix queue. If you ever look around the world at crimes perpetuated for the sake of hate based on the color of a victim’s skin, their gender or the people with whom they fall in love, I suggest you watch Blazing Saddles. Not only will you find yourself laughing, you’ll be reminded that people who act, think and speak based on such hatreds have ignorance and ignorance alone on their side. Mel’s filmmaking, jokes and excellent cast will show you just how short-sighted, misinformed, brutish and downright stupid those morons are. And there’s a pretty great pie fight at the end, complete with Adolf Hitler.

Don’t ask. Just watch the flick.

Josh Loomis can’t always make it to the local megaplex, and thus must turn to alternative forms of cinematic entertainment. There might not be overpriced soda pop & over-buttered popcorn, and it’s unclear if this week’s film came in the mail or was delivered via the dark & mysterious tubes of the Internet. Only one thing is certain… IT CAME FROM NETFLIX.

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