Fedora Felon

Courtesy HBO
You are not, nor will you ever be, Don Draper. Stop it.

Guys, listen. It’s time we talked.

Before there’s any misunderstandings, I must confess: I love my fedora. I’m on my second one since discovering I can look half-decent in one. My first traveled to all sorts of places on my head, across oceans and up mountains. The second part of my confession is that I’ve also worn it in entirely the wrong way.

It’s a dark hat, and I’ve worn it with light colors. I’ve put it on my head without wearing a collared shirt. Hell, I’ve even had the idiotic temerity to wear it with shorts.

I’ve done my best to curb these atrocities against good taste, and I encourage anybody reading this to do the same.

You may think that wearing a fedora makes you classy no matter what you’re wearing. This is a lie. The fedora only makes you look classy if you were in classic wear to begin with. A blazer & slacks, button-down and tie, even a long coat that’s well taken care of contributes to an overall better look provided the rest of you is put together as well. And believe it or not, under most circumstances, it’s rude to keep it on once you’re indoors.

Yeah, guys. I’m saying it. If you want to wear the damn hat, at least try to be a little conscious of what you’re topping off with it. Basic fashion sense is not rocket science.

As I said, I’ve been guilty of this before, and I’m trying to change that. I’m sick of this fine item of classic gentleman’s wear getting besmirched by ignorant douches who think slapping a fedora on top of their product-filled Cullen-wannabe hairdo while wearing cargo shorts, sandals and a t-shirt with the words “The Man” and an arrow pointing up with “The Legend” with a downward arrow underneath is cool.

It’s not cool, bro. You look like a tool.

Go with a baseball cap for your favorite sports team or other affiliated mascot. It’ll be cheaper, you’ll be easier to identify and the poor fedora will be spared one more sneer or look of disgust. Don’t let the hat suffer for your sins. It really isn’t fair. What has the hat ever done to you?

Think about it. Think of the hats. Please stop their suffering and the suffering of others. Before it’s too late.

3 Comments

  1. Aww… just last night I was telling one of my seven year old (male) tap students that he was going to get to wear a hat in the recital. “A top hat?” he asked with excitement. “Maybe… but maybe a fedora instead,” I replied. (I then had to assure him that fedoras are in fact as cool as top hats.)

  2. @Kat – They are, they just need to be treated with more respect. Would YOU date a guy wearing a fedora with cargo shorts & Birkenstocks?

  3. THIS. A thousand times this. I live with someone who actually knows how to wear a fedora and it shocks me every single time.

    I’ll see the hat from afar and get ready to be offended by shorts and a tank top and then NO! Collared shirts, spiffy coats, and slacks topped off by a hat of appropriate hue. It’s like *magic.*

    He restored my faith in fedoras. There IS hope! Just not much of it.

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